Once I was fully vaccinated, I felt an uncanny sense of relief. I was in the lucky group of people to be able to get protection from this highly contagious invisible enemy. I was beyond grateful. I had done the research and the potential fall out from the vaccine was nothing compared to getting the dreaded covid.
Then things began to get back to normal. Most people got the shots and we started to see numbers of cases drop dramatically. Businesses were allowed to reopen and we were allowed to eat indoors again at restaurants. We even went on a vacation. We were required to mask up and follow safety protocols which we were happy to do.
Then there were the hold outs. There were those that feared the vaccine more than the virus. But there were also the people believing some sort of alternative narrative coming from the former president and his insane but loyal minions. For whatever reason, the virus and the vaccine became politicized. The answer to why is still hard to fathom. Ignorance, and a belief in someone who is incapable of empathy or and semblance of truth…but again that is another but somewhat related story, because it has impacted our recovery from this ongoing nightmare.
So, just as we thought we were seeing the light at the end of a long dark and ominous tunnel, with the new administration and the CDC begging the holdouts to get the vaccine, we are hit with the exponentially contagious Delta Covid variant. Places with the most unvaccinated were hit the worst, and so many unvaccinated ended up contracting the virus, and many ended up in the hospital, and the death toll continued to rise. So the saga continues.
But, I was vaccinated. I was safe. I did what I was supposed to do. I followed the rules.
My daughter is going off to college in September 2021. So I decided since we are both vaccinated, we would go back to a magical place in the Bahamas called Bimini. We visited there 15 years ago when my girl was 5 years old and went back when she was 6. It is a place where you can swim with wild dolphins in the clear warm Bahamian waters.
The trip started off well. We were masked up on the flights and followed protocol at the place we were staying. The only caveat was while in Ft. Lauderdale where we sat at a restaurant bar for dinner before we flew to the Bahamas the following morning. While at the bar, another patron was relentlessly hitting on me. I kept turning my back to him and tried to focus on my daughter and not the guy trying to get me to engage with him. He was unmasked as were we, but we were eating, and protocol stated you could unmask to eat. We are vaccinated so I didn’t think much of it, other than being a little annoyed by the guy’s advances.
In addition, 3 bartenders who were serving us were also unmasked, as it seems to be in Florida where a majority of people subscribe to the insanity that was spewed out by the former president and their current governor. It is no wonder the state of Florida is under a red covid warning which means that the state is high risk from the delta variant for everyone not vaccinated. But we are vaccinated and only passing through.
The next morning we arrived on the beautiful slip of and island called Bimini after a short flight on a very small plane with 6 other passengers. We were all masked. The flight was only 25 minutes as Bimini is only 40 miles from Ft. Lauderdale.
We swam in the beautiful turquoise waters and communed with the wild dolphins for 5 days. It was magical. It was a wonderful vacation with my only child, before she goes off to college. I was so grateful for the experience.
Then things changed. We were supposed to leave Bimini on Saturday, but a tropical storm “Fred” was quickly approaching, so we were being required to leave a day early. In order to come home to the US, we were required to present a negative rapid antigen test for reentry. A nurse was to come to the retreat in Bimini at 8:30 Thursday morning to test the group. On Wednesday afternoon, I started to have some sinus congestion. I thought nothing of it since I suffer from chronic allergies. Wednesday night was rough. I had more congestion and it was clear I was coming down with something. Thursday morning before my test, I decided not to go on the boat with the group that day because I just thought, If I have a cold, I don’t want to risk getting worse. We were outside in the wind and open air so I wasn’t that concerned about giving someone my cold but since I was going to stay in, there was no issue. When the nurse arrived, she began to administer rapid tests to the group. They were so quick, they came up positive or negative like a pregnancy test, one line for negative and two lines for positive within one minute.
Everyone so far was negative. There were 20 people in our group and most of them had been tested by the time my daughter and I were to be tested. The nurse was in her late 20s or early 30s. She had a mask on but it was down below her chin. I asked her if she was vaccinated and she said no. I wanted to ask why, but decided better of it and let her swab my nose. She mixed the swab with a solution and put it in the test. Within a minute it came up with two lines.
I was positive for covid. A wave of disbelief came over me. I demanded another test. She hesitated, saying these tests are very accurate. I insisted and said I would pay another $60 for another test. She swabbed me again and performed the test. Again the test came up positive.
I was beyond stunned. I was vaccinated. I was protected. I’d heard of breakthrough cases but they were rare. A feeling of fear and uncertainty came over me knocking the wind out of me like a rogue wave. I couldn’t breathe. I had to leave and go to my room where I broke down in tears. What did this mean? What was going to happen now?
This is where my personal covid journey begins.
I came to my room and sobbed for several minutes, I had to collect myself for my daughter. She did not need to see me falter. I was always strong. We were always strong for each other. After my divorce from her father, we supported each other whenever the other needed strength. As soon as I got it together, the director of the retreat knocked on the door and told us we needed to leave the place immediately. She had called the local Hilton (the only real hotel on the tiny island) and had booked us separate adjoining rooms at a discounted rate of $200 per night per room. She immediately had us pack and leave the retreat in their open air golf cart and took us to the Hilton a 5 minute ride to the other side of the island. The gravity of the situation was dawning on me. My daughter had tested negative. She could leave and go home to California, even though we had planned leave Bimini and go to set up her apartment in Savannah where she was going to go to college in a few short weeks.
When we arrived at the Hilton they had clearly been advised that I was going to be quarantining there. They asked me to pay in advance $5000 for the two rooms. I was floored. I didn’t have it. I hadn’t even processed the positive test and what that would mean. I asked them to just charge us for the next four days and they agreed and I paid $2000 which nearly cleared out my account. I made my way to the room and we separated. She went to her room and I to mine where I finally began to process the events of the morning. At the same time I started to feel very bad. My head was pounding, I had a very congested nose and sinuses, and I was completely exhausted. Whether it was from the virus or the emotional roller coaster I had just experienced is unclear. I called my man and texted my mom and best friend. All of them were in a state of concern and disbelief. Thank god my man offered to help pay for my extra expenses. I’m not actually sure what I would have done without him. I have no idea how I would have paid or dealt with the circumstances. I am eternally grateful for him and his emotional and financial support. I was low on funds because of the expense of getting my daughter ready to go to college. Setting up an apartment 3000 miles away, and the expense of a private school had nearly tapped me. But I had set aside funds for the trip. But I did not set aside thousands extra for this unexpected event.
Once we settled into our rooms, I crashed. I literally passed out exhausted. I woke up 2 hours later and called the front desk and found out there was a government covid testing center in the hotel and they did testing from 6pm to 7pm. I thought, maybe this was all a mistake and the two previous rapid tests that I had at the retreat were wrong. I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the in hotel testing center (with mask on of course).
On the way to the room where tests were being conducted, I passed by a double door suite with many unmasked men milling in and out. At first, in my haze, I thought that was the testing center. Then one of the men turned to me as I was walking by and said, “Hey, want to come in?” I quickly realized it was not the testing center, but a large suite of American men partying in the Bahamas. They were all unmasked. I said, “No thanks!” and kept walking. They persisted, and I almost said, “I have covid, still want me?” But I thought better of it and continued on to find the testing center.
I finally found the testing center, which was empty except for the Bahamian man who performed the tests. It was a large room with a check in area and about 20 chairs for those needing to wait their turn. I told the man I wanted a test. We went back and forth for about 10 minutes because he kept asking for a barcode from my Bahamian travel visa. He kept insisting that it would have been emailed to me. However, I was vaccinated. I was not required to have a day 5 covid test. I was however required to have a test to reenter the United States. For whatever reason it seemed to take forever to convey that to him. He almost declined to give me a test, but I insisted. I thought he would be giving me some sort of more thorough test, as opposed to one that came up with the result within one minute. I almost left when he brought out the same type of test I had at the retreat. I have been tested so many times with both rapid and PCR tests but didn’t realize that even though it takes sometimes a day or more to get back your rapid test, that they all give the result within a minute. Its just the testing place that takes so long to give you the results. In any event, I let him swab me. While the test was percolating, the man walked away for a minute. When he returned, I said to him, “Well, looks like I am positive.” He was a very dark skinned man and his eyes got so wide, when he read the results, they looked like flash lights staring at me in disbelief. He immediately ran to the far side of the room and quickly donned a full body hazmat suit. He then picked up a machine that looked like an industrial leaf blower and started spraying the entire room with some sort of industrial disinfectant. It was literally surreal. He then proceeded to call the head of security for the hotel and heatedly explained the situation. I politely said, “I am going to my room, you can reach me there.”
Once I got back to the room I collapsed. The gravity of it all had sunk in. I was infected and needed to stay in my room. I had no idea for how long and or how to proceed. The phone in the room rang as soon as I got back. It was head of security for the hotel. He reprimanded me severely for leaving my room at all. I explained that I wanted to confirm my initial test results, that I was vaccinated and didn’t realize that the rapid antigen test worked so quickly. He reiterated that I was not to leave the room under any circumstances. He also said there will be no room service, and that I would have to organize meals to be delivered by calling the front desk.
At this point all of this was just too much to take, and I was also starting to feel awful. My head was splitting, my sinuses and chest were congested, and I was exhausted. I got in bed and passed out again. The night was rough. I tossed and turned uncomfortably all night and woke at 3:33 am with severe chest congestion. I coughed for at least 20 minutes before being able to go back to sleep. In addition, I had frequent diarrhea, which is another symptom of the delta variant. I was miserable. I was trying to be positive and stay grateful for my daughter testing negative, my man's support, and being able to rest in a comfortable hotel.
I woke up with my sinuses burning, and my chest full of mucus. My head throbbed. I needed to eat and get clear on next steps. Since my daughter tested negative, she could leave and I wanted to get her out before the tropical storm hit. I spent the next several hours on the phone with the airlines and the retreat and cancelled and rescheduled all of the travel we had planned. I rebooked her to leave the island and fly to Los Angeles. That in itself was exhausting. Once I got her travel sorted, I needed to eat. I called the front desk and they didn’t know how to deal with getting me food. That was a shock. I happened to be texting with my best friend who is a Hilton Diamond member and she got on the phone and complained through the membership and helped expedite me getting some food delivered to the room. That’s when I realized that I had no smell or taste. That was unsettling but relatively common in covid cases. My appetite was almost nothing. The rest of the day was spent getting my daughter to the airport and out of the Bahamas. It took a cab, a ferry ride, another cab, a tiny six seater plane ride to a small charter airport in Ft. Lauderdale, another cab to Ft. Lauderdale international. From there she would fly to Atlanta, change planes, and take another flight to LAX. At that point my angel of a man organized a car to pick her up at LAX to take her to her dad's to quarantine until she got a negative PCR test and was out of the woods. The anxiety produced by that whole endeavor was exhausting as well. She is 19 but relatively sheltered in terms of dealing with travel on her own. I had always been with her and now I was a covid prisoner, with no idea how long I needed to stay and what to do. I had been given conflicting information by the hotel. One person said I had to quarantine for 10 days and another said 14 days. I had been told that there was travel insurance that was a part of the Bahamian travel visa but needed a positive PCR test in order to file a claim. I was told I could not leave the room or the hotel in order to get one. Every day I needed to stay in the hotel was hundreds of dollars in expenses and much more in lost revenue, not to mention the days I would have to be away from my beautiful daughter on the eve of her leaving me to go to college. Those are precious days that I will never get back.
By the time my daughter boarded the flight to Atlanta, I had called the US Embassy in the Bahamas, but it was a wrong number listed online. I also called the Bahamian tourist bureau which was also a wrong number. I finally called the agency that handles Bahamian Travel Visa claims, and got a voice mail. At that point I had to rest. It was just all too much.
I couldn’t help but ask WHY? But had to remember that hundreds of thousands of people had died from this horrific virus and because I was vaccinated, although majorly inconvenienced, I needed to remember, I will be ok. I will get though this and I have loved ones to help me.
Present time: 4:30 pm est
I have been waiting all day for a call back from supervisor of Hilton Hotel security as apparently he is the only person who knows anything about anything here. I finally called him again because in order to get any insurance reimbursement from the Bahamian visa, I need to have a positive PCR test to confirm my being positive for this god forsaken virus. I feel like hell and am so frustrated in trying to get information. I finally got him on the line and he said that I could call the clinic and try to persuade them to come to my hotel to perform an in person test. Otherwise, I would need to quarantine for 10 days and then petition to go to the clinic and get a PCR test after a rapid test is negative. But if I do that then I can’t get insurance to reimburse for this nightmare. He also said, “And I see you have already broken quarantine. You are not allowed to leave your room under any circumstances.” I lost it a little at that point and tried to be calm while explaining that the front desk told me that I could go get a test in the hotel shortly after I arrived, so please don’t reprimand me like that. I have no idea what the protocol is, and it seems no one here does either, and please have some compassion since this is very stressful and financially significant.” He calmed down a little, but jeez man I feel like a leper. It completely sucks and people need to know what they will have to endure if this happens to them. It is a literal nightmare. I have no rights and no say.
Present time: 5:00 pm est
My head is splitting. My daughter should land in Atlanta soon. I’m so tired but my sinuses hurt more when I lay down. My focus for the rest of the day is to make sure my daughter gets home safe and sound.
My appetite is nothing. I know I need to eat but it is a hassle calling the front desk and asking them to bring food up. Plus since I have no smell and taste, why bother. Maybe later I will feel like eating. The sun is shining on my balcony. Thank goodness I can go outside of this room even if it is just a balcony. I know Vitamin D is helpful in mitigating viruses, and I think I will go lay in the sun. Its August in the Bahamas, so hot as hell. But I believe it will help. At least I will look like I’ve been on vacation – tan and thin – when I get home.
Present time: 5:20 pm
My daughter just landed in Atlanta. Just one more leg to go.
I’ve decided to order a salad. Security is required to bring it to my room. I guess its sort of like being in a white collar jail cell. Normal Hilton employees are not qualified to drop a salad outside my door, it takes highly trained security personnel. I guess its better to be safe than sorry, but seriously?
I’d give anything for a bath, but of course I have a room with no bathtub. Don’t get me wrong, this is a very nice room and staying here is far nicer than having to stay in a government mandated quarantine facility, which apparently you still have to pay for. God knows what that must be like. I am trying to stay positive. Afterall, it is only day 2.
Present time: 9:38 pm
I am very congested. My chest feels tight. I need medicine. I need something to clear my chest like vics and a vaporizer. I just found out you cannot order Amazon here. You cannot get fedEx here. There is no hospital here, only a small clinic. There is no way for me to get the meds and other supplies I need to fight this virus. Meanwhile we are only 40 miles from Ft. Lauderdale. I need to get out of here. I called the front desk and they said I need to speak to security. What the actual hell?
Last night was tough. My chest congested and tight. I couldn’t clear it. I dosed on the medications I happened to have with me and was able to sleep. I still have no sense of taste or smell, which has squashed any appetite. This will definitely help my weight loss regime lol.
For now, I feel at least like I can breathe, time to get busy.
First of all I need to see if I can get someone to the hotel to give me a PCR test. If I can get that, and it is still positive, then I can submit it to the Bahamas Health insurance covered by my Travel Visa to get some of the thousands of dollars back that it is costing to quarantine here.
I called several times and the call did not go through. I am not sure if there is a problem with how I am dialing or what. Finally on the third try, I get through, and even though the clinic in Bimini is closed on Saturday, the nurse that does the in person testing answers the phone and gives me all the information I need to get a test scheduled. It is $165 which I pay online. I just add that to all the other expenses. She was very helpful and very nice. Thank goodness for nice people.
Next, I call the airlines to reschedule my flight home. There is a risk in this as I wasn’t told definitively when I can leave. The CDC website says 10 days. Security (the people with the supposed answers) said 14 days, and that I can petition for a test on day 10. What does that even mean? So I decided to tell the Universe that I am going home on the 22nd 10 days after my positive test. I book the ticket and there’s a $630 fee (even thought the airlines are waiving change fees, the difference in fair is the reason) I am not sure how that is ok, but there is no way around it. I add that to the ongoing list of extra expenses.
I tabulate the expenses so far, and I still have a week to go.
$2000 for hotel (not including food delivered to my room)
$235 Daughter flight change
$630 My flight change
$165 PCR test
$120 2 Rapid tests
$60 Daughter Rapid test
$3205 so far
Starting to get hungry now…which is good I guess. I call down to the front desk as I have been instructed and have done so far. The lady that answers says, “There is no room service, and that I need to go down to the restaurant to get my food.” I say, “No, I am quarantining and can’t leave my room.” So she says, “Oh My, Ok.” And puts me on hold. I can’t help but think, how to they not have my name and room number flagged so that everyone that answers a call from my room knows that I am quarantining?? So, I order a fruit plate and go back on my balcony (thank goodness I have one) to continue to get organized. Apparently while I was on the balcony, they tried to deliver the fruit salad to my room and I didn’t hear the knock. Why they just don’t leave it outside the door, I have no idea. Upon coming in from the balcony, I get a call from the front desk frantic, saying security had tried to deliver my food but I didn’t answer my door. When I explained I was on the balcony, the woman was audibly relieved and told someone (so that I could hear), “I found her!! She’s on the phone.” She said she would send the man from security back up to bring the fruit. Shortly thereafter I received a knock at the door. I cracked it and immediately the man started yelling in a thick Bahamian accent, complaining that he had knocked a hundred times yada yada yada. I apologized profusely and said I was on my balcony. He left and did not leave the food. I called back down to the front desk and told them that he yelled at me and did not leave my food. The woman apologized and said she would send him back up. He came back again, knocked, and left the food without waiting for an answer. Whatever. A lesson for me to remember to be compassionate to others who may be dealing with their own issues and not to act like as ass like the security man just had.
I tried the fruit although it looks delicious, I can’t taste it so only have a few bites and so into the small room fridge it goes. By this time I am starting to get thick chest congestion again and decide to rest.
I watch two ridiculous shark movies back to back. I haven’t been feeling well at all today. I spend the rest of the day on hold with Delta, as I found out that the charter company that has the tiny plane that will take me to the mainland does not fly on Sunday. In any event once I got them on the line, I changed the ticket, so now I am hopefully headed home on August 23rd. Fingers doubly crossed on that one.
I also emailed the Bahamian Travel Visa place to ask the how to go about submitting the forms for an insurance claim. In the email I told them I had tested positive, was quarantining and how do I file a claim. I got an email back and all it said was, that the Ministry of Health would be in touch with me. Oh boy did that give me pause. I try to steer clear of government agencies and this whole covid business and being told to stay in this room (although I get it) is almost too much to take. I am sort of starting to lose it. It is a lot to handle. The only saving grace is that I am vaccinated and so I should be fine. I just need to get through it.
My beautiful and amazing man told me he would fly here and make sure I had everything I need. I told him no way would I want him to put himself at risk with the delta variant shite show going on. (Delta airlines must hate that name just like corona beer hated the corona virus… bummer for them.) I told him it is just too hard to get here and I wouldn’t be able to see him anyway. I just need to be strong on my own.
I had a cardboard tasting salad for dinner and even though the very little I do eat seems to go right out the bottom of me, I still feel like a blob. How could I have not lost any weight? I have no idea actually but that is how I feel…Like a blob with Covid. Blah
I figure I will try some TV, and the double dose on cough syrup I had (which is almost gone) and hope to sleep the night. I am telling myself that once I feel a little better, I may try to work on my website, and getting my loyalty program set up. One more day gone.
It is near midnight and I feel like my chest is closing up on me. It is tight and I feel the absolute need to cough and all I get are loud wheezing sounds and no relief. The feeling results in me desperately trying to clear my lungs by coughing which only ends up causing neck pain and exhaustion in the end.
I try my last bag of chamomile tea but end up throwing It back up immediately after every sip because I am now uncontrollable gagging trying to clear my chest. Nothing is working. I am panicking. I have to get out of here. I have to get help. I end up taking the last of my cough syrup and a double dose of Benadryl and pass out.
I wake at 4:30 gagging again. The feeling that my chest is closing in on me is overwhelming. I text my best friend in California not expecting her to answer but she does and she helps me through it. She tells me to run hot water in the sink and put a towel over my head and breathe the steam. Her doctor had told her that would help when she had a bout of pneumonia years before the horrid covid came to this earth. Unfortunately, the amount of water coming out of the sink faucet when turned all the way to hot was a trickle and wasn’t really hot. With my friend texting me furiously to help me off the ledge of panic and terror, we figured out that if I ran water through the coffee maker in my room I could breathe the steam as the water came through, and then drink the hot water when it was finished. I did this several times in a row, which helped me feel a little relief. At that point I literally passed out from exhaustion.
That's when I realize I have to get off this island.
The nights are the worst and last night was a nightmare. I woke again at 9am with the same tight feeling in my chest. I immediately made a black coffee (I can’t taste it anyway so there is no need for the niceties of sugar or cream…I’m out of them anyway) while it was brewing I inhaled the thick coffee steam that I wished I could smell and that at least seemed to calm me down.
My chest still feels tight and full which is such and uncomfortable and unsettling feeling. My mom called and is so worried she is calling an air ambulance to get me out of here. She found Trinity Air online and we got on a three way call with the nicest nurse ever. She told me I needed to be seen by a doctor.
So my mom said lets book it now. The nurse and other gentlemen on the line said the jet could be there by 1 pm at a reasonably cost of only $9500. Holy cow, its only 80 miles round trip. My mom is not a wealthy woman but she is strong minded and always took care of us. She said book it now! I was relieved but felt pangs of guilt, but under the circumstances, I thought it the best course of action. Covid is so unpredictable, I guess I’d prefer to be safe than stay here on this tiny island and let things get worse.
Current time: 8:14pm
After my last entry things were a blur of absolute insanity. My mom booked me the private jet out through Trinity Air Ambulance. They told me to check out of the hotel and to have the hotel help me get to the airport. My chest has not cleared and I am having shortness of breath. I call the front desk at the hotel and tell them I am checking out and I need help getting to the airport. The front desk tells me to call security. Everything had to go through security…as usual at this place. I get put through to security and explain that I am being airlifted out via Air Ambulance.
The man on the other side of the phone says that I can’t do that, that I have to call the clinic in Bimini. That is the same one and only clinic on Bimini that I had called several times before and of all the calls I had made, only one had gone through. I called and did not get through, of course. However, I had the nurse’s cell phone number from the only time I did get through. Hallelujah!
I call the nurse's cell phone and explain to her that I am getting taken off the island because I need medical attention. Her tone changed completely from when we spoke the prior day when I called regarding getting a PCR test scheduled. She became curt and almost rude, and said, “You can’t do that, you need to have doctor’s approval before you can leave the island and you need to come to the clinic to be examined.”
I then get a call back from security on the hotel phone saying they would be coming to my room to collect me and take me to the Bimini clinic. I packed quickly and shortly thereafter a man from security came to take me to the clinic. We went out a back way and waited for an empty elevator. He was willing to go in two elevators that came that were full of tourists. I told hime we shouldn't do that. Duh.
Once on the ground floor we went out a back entrance. It was raining, and so the man told me to wait and he would find the car. At about the same time he got a call on his cell phone and got into a heated discussion with someone on the other end and was being told to take me to the covid testing room in the hotel.
This is the room I went to get my rapid test right after arriving at the hotel. The man was walking fast and I was obviously wearing a mask, and I started to get very lightheaded and short of breath. I am not sure if at that point it is covid, walking fast with a mask, a panic attack or what, but by the time we got to the room I was literally ready to faint.
When we got to the room, the man helped me into one of the many empty waiting chairs. I was so woozy I could barely sit up. There were 2 other security men and one woman in the room and they all started talking heatedly between each other and someone on the phone. I could not understand them at all, partly because I was so light headed, and partly because the were speaking so fast and their Bahamian accents were hard to decipher.
Finally, one of them told me the doctor was coming to check me out. Then one of them came and gave me a rapid test, and then another. I heard them again heatedly discussing something amongst themselves, I made out the words ambulance, and having an ambulance take me to the airport, and that the tests were positive.
Within a few minutes, and this is when things got really hairy, two massive Bahamian nurses came in the room slinging more attitude than their combined weight. I am never one to fat shame anyone, as I myself struggle with those few extra pounds, but this was just wild. When I say one was big, I mean huge, but the other was so large that she not only had no ankles, the extra weight hung over her shoes at least two inches on either side and the front of her seemingly normal sized feet. Moreover, her feet were squeezed in the most dainty little ballet style shoes.
Because my head was hanging down, I seemed to be focusing on the size of her ankles, and how was it humanly possible to carry all that weight on those feet and in those shoes! Anyway, I shortly snapped out of it because as soon as she entered the room she started yelling in a thick Bahamian accent.
What was most unsettling was that most of her complaints were aimed at me. I was trying to follow but was only able to make out parts of her tirade. In essence, she was saying that I had broken protocol, that I had not followed the rules! She wanted to know where my daughter was, I told her I sent her home. She yelled at me that they were not notified, and that they had to be notified. She continued her verbal assault while she started taking my vitals. She took my oxygen levels which were a great 98%! Yay!!
I was relieved, because of my previous night I thought I had developed pneumonia. Thank god I was wrong! But instead of telling me that, she started yelling that I was trying to pull a scam, that I was not sick, that my vitals were normal. In the middle of this madness, I was feeling a load of relief, mixed with a load of dread that she may not sign me out to be able to leave the island.
She started yelling at me again saying that I was supposed to be in quarantine. I told her I have been in quarantine for four days. She put her animated face that was framed by a nest of thick blonde braids mine and said loudly, “You are required to quarantine for 10-14 days!” She then reiterated that I was not sick and that I hadn’t followed protocol!
At that point one of the security men, interrupted her and said, “I just gave her a test and she is positive.” She responded that the CDC would need to approve my leaving. I panicked and immediately contacted the Air Ambulance people and explained what was happening, and literally within a few minutes, they had sent back CDC approval for me to be air transported out and back to my beloved USA.
Before I could relax for one second, the nurse said, “Fine, we can’t hold her hostage if she wants to go, but she can get her own cab to the airport!” I knew this meant a cab to the ferry, the ferry to the other side of the island, then another cab or bus to the airport.
At this point, all I wanted was to get out of there, and fast, before the Bahamian Nurse Ratchet changed her mind, after all it seemed that she alone held my future in her chubby brown hands.
So, one of the security men got the cue and whisked me out of the room with my single bag and took me out a back door to sort of a loading area to wait for the cab.
I waited about 5 minutes and no cab came, but to my horror, Nurse Ratchet and her cohort zoom up in an uncomfortably small car for their collective sizes and she yells out the window in her almost undecipherable accent, “Get in! We will take you to the ferry!” I was relieved, but equally terrified.
The five or ten minute trip was a blur with all the pastel colored island homes flying by. I had to wonder, do all island people drive like bats from hades?
The conversation on the way between the two large nurses was peppered with stories of people that had roaches fly on them that caused seizures and the tenderness of the crab they had consumed the night before. It was absolutely surreal.
We made it to the dock and thank god the ferry was there. The sight of the water made the whole thing bittersweet. It is literally the perfect color blue, so tranquil and beautiful, I had so enjoyed my past trips to the slip of an island, swimming with the wild dolphins there when my daughter was so young, and even this trip before my covid nightmare started.
I for a moment was sad to leave… then I smashed myself in the face and snapped out of it, got on the ferry and was on my way to being free. The ferry traversed the small bay in only a few minutes and a bus was waiting. Thank god nurse Ratchet insisted that I wear an N95 that she gave me before we left the hotel.
I literally could not figure her out, random acts of kindness completely mixed with what appeared to be utter disdain. Go figure.
The bus ride was also less than ten minutes, as I may have mentioned before the entire island is only two miles long and 250 yards wide. We arrived at the airport and the only other passenger on the bus yelled at me to “HURRY!” Maybe that’s how they all speak to each other, or maybe it was just me? I politely told her I was not on that flight and began to Whatsapp the Trinity Air Ambulance company.
They instructed me to wait outside the terminal and that one of the pilots would find me and the jet was almost on the ground. I was happy to wait outside the terminal, as I did not want to deal with any potential snags of leaving and customs or any other delay that could potentially prevent me from leaving.
Hordes of naïve American tourists began filing out of the small building and all I wanted to do was scream. “BE CAREFUL!!! COVID IS HERE AND IF YOU GET IT YOU CANNOT LEAVE!!!” But of course I shut my mouth. Shortly thereafter, my Knight in shining armor of a pilot came out with a uniformed airport agent collected me and my bag in the most gallant way. They walked me straight through the building, out the back door onto the small tarmac and loaded me on my beautiful jet.
The jet was equipped with a stretcher and oxygen equipment. I was told I would be most comfortable in the back by the literally model looking copilot and we were shortly taxying down the short runway towards home.
The relief was so overwhelming, I cried with gratitude and sadness, and a multitude of other emotions. Afterall, I once loved this island and the dolphins that live there. But I was going home finally to get the medical help I needed, and rest so that I could get better.
The jet was fast. The flight lasted about ten to fifteen minutes, and we were landing at Ft. Lauderdale International airport. We taxied over to the private hangar that was full of all sorts of Lear jets.
We disembarked the plane and entered the private lounge. I was told by a nice woman to rest and that I could take my time figuring out what I wanted to do in the empty pilots lounge. I said goodbye to my heroic crew, and proceeded to book a no contact Airbnb where I could quarantine for the next seven to eight days.
I rented a car and drove the few miles to the quaint but clean and nice little home. I immediately ordered food, medicine and supplies on Instacart and Amazon, something I will never ever take for granted again.
I took a hot shower (another one of those things I will never be taking for granted) and proceeded to call any urgent care in the area, and even the hospital to see if I could be seen. Sadly, with the Delta variant crushing Florida, everything was booked for the night. I was able to make an appointment for the morning.
So, I am here in the bed, wondering why I needed to go through this, and if it is only to get people to not only vax up, but also to be aware of what the trials and tribulations and expenses that few (myself included) are able to pay that could befall you if you travel to even a close but very foreign country in these challenging times, then it would have been worth it, I guess.
The nights are still so bad. It’s as if as soon as you fall asleep the grim reaper comes and lays his heavy black cloak over you and you begin to suffocate. I wake several times during the night feeling tight in my chest and try to clear it by coughing to the point of exhaustion but to no avail. The only choice is to dose with Benadryl to be able to rest a few more hours.
This morning the headache is back with a vengeance. It feels like a vice trying to squeeze the memory of this nightmare out of me. It is literally almost blinding.
But this morning I need to gather was energy I have left and get myself to an urgent care. They open at 9am and thankfully are only a five minute drive from the home where I am quarantining.
I decide to be there really early based on yesterday’s calls. I arrive at 8:25am. Very shortly thereafter a line begins to form. By the time they open, there are 30 people waiting in line.
I am the first to go in and I check in with a very nice woman who asks me why I am there, and I tell her I need a PCR test and to be seen by a doctor. I need this for my insurance claim. She asks me if I have insurance and I tell her Blue Shield PPO. She says that Blue Shield is not paying them right now, and I will need to pay for the services up front. I bring out my now nearly tapped out card and pay the $150.
I think to myself again, how I would deal without cash money. I don’t have time to dwell, as the woman asks me to fill out a detailed questionnaire and also log onto a portal on my smartphone and create an account, then wait for an email then login and verify my account so that I can get my results later that day.
I think again, what if I didn’t have a smart phone, or was elderly and didn’t know how to do that. But once again, I didn’t have time to go down that rabbit hole, as I was distracted by others coming into the small waiting room. No waiting outside for these Floridians, no six foot distancing required here.
A woman came in, visibly sick with a mask half assed on her face. I could almost see the virus flying out the sides of it when she asked the woman at the window for a flu test and a covid test. I thought, honey, you've got the VID and you may as well get ready for hell. But, of course I kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t concerned, as I was already in the Leper group and as far and other illnesses, I had an N95 on that my dear Nurse Ratchet had lovingly given me when I fled the Bahamas.
Another couple came in and sat next to me and across from the woman that was ill. They were trying to get tests to be able to fly home to somewhere in Europe. I wondered what the hell they were thinking being in this contaminated little fish bowl of a room?? In California, we wait in our car until we receive a text to come in, one at a time. Gotta love Florida for being so progressive. Jeez!
Shortly, I am called in and have my vitals taken and am told the doc will be right with me. A very nice, tiny, young, pretty Asian doctor comes in and asks me a few questions, and I tell her right away that I know that I am positive, but vaccinated and that I need a PCR test for my insurance.
She visibly steps away from me (as would I) and then proceeds to listen to my breathing, heart, etc. I tell her I am extremely congested, especially at night. She seem concerned about my lungs after listening to them, and she recommends Mucinex to help relieve the congestion in my chest. I also tell her that I am on high doses of Vitamin C, which she said is perfect and would help.
She then prescribes Steroids, and Antibiotics. She says that the Antibiotics are for IF I happen to get a bacterial infection which sometimes happens with covid, and that the steroids are for inflammation in my lungs, but that they may also lower my immune system. I am literally thinking, That’s the best you’ve got?!?!?! I ask her about the drug Remdesivir, and she says I won’t qualify for that because I am too young and don’t have underlying health issues. She says that I would need to get it at the hospital and that is their policy. Well frick frack.
So, I check out, and drive back to my little house to rest. I have my scripts delivered as well as other over the counter meds like Mucinex and hunker down for the day. I still can’t taste or smell anything, and am not hungry at all, and think how am I still this curvy? Seriously? Is my body holding on to my fat because it thinks I am starving? Ugh.
The rest of the day is spent resting, and watching films on Amazon Prime. I take two long hot baths which work wonders on loosening my chest congestion which seems to come on like a thick hot blanket. The baths with the Mucinex literally changed the face of this nightmare for me. Where I was once feeling tight and panicked in my chest, now I feel like I am drowning in mucus.
When I breathe hard out, instead of loud wheezing, is sounds like someone crumpling a paper bag in my chest. Where is all of it coming from??? I do admit, now that my chest has opened, I feel better. Maybe the care from the Doctor, being back in the USA, the Mucinex, and the relief that my chest no longer feels like a tight band is squeezing the air out of me gives me some relief.
Before the day finally ends, I get an email from the Urgent Care that my results are in from the PCR test and that I need to log into the portal to retrieve them. I have a sense of apprehension somehow. I am not sure what this is about other than, if its positive, the acceptance that I actually do have this dreaded virus, and or if it is negative, I won’t be able to recoup any of the exorbitant expenses it took to quarantine and get me home. I log in and download the results. It is positive. I have it and am in the thick of it. At least tomorrow I can start submitting my insurance claim. After digesting this result, I pass out completely exhausted after dosing on Benadryl and Mucinex.
Last night was difficult…as usual but different. Now I am waking up every 2-3 hours literally gagging in mucus. Every time I wake, there is so much mucus that comes up, it is literally overwhelming. I spent as least as much time coughing it up as I did sleeping. Each coughing attack leaves me sitting in a puddle of sweat. These sheets will need to be burned when I leave. But AT LEAST the congestion is coming up. That in itself is such a relief.
I have my last coughing attack at 6am, I give up trying to sleep and get up to make myself some coffee that still just tastes like hot water. My head is hurting a little less, like the vice has loosened a centimeter, but I am still exhausted. At least I can get up and out of bed. I am grateful. Maybe this is the beginning of the Come Back Trail…
I have booked my flight home on August 23rd. Today is August 17th, the day we were supposed to fly home from Savannah. We were to drive to Savannah after flying from Bimini to Ft Lauderdale. We were going to set up my daughter’s new apartment and get it set up for her when she leaves for college on September 3rd. The date is bittersweet. All our meticulously laid plans derailed by this virus. Much of the excitement of preparing for a new chapter for her have been dampened in worry, expense, and exhaustion. It is so important to stay grateful and positive, now especially.
Also, I need to focus the little energy I have on getting organized, and submitting the insurance claims. I intuit that they will resist paying me, especially for the jet transport. I do believe that it was medically necessary, and am beyond grateful for the opportunity to have been rescued by them. I was definitely heading in the wrong direction with this virus, not getting care, and medicine I needed was overwhelming. The stress of the feeling of helplessness alone was enough to take even a mild case and put it in the toilet. I intend to make sure that they pay. It seems all they want to do is take and then use every excuse to not pay. Well, I will make sure this story goes out to the world and hope and pray that incites them to do what is right.
Now I must rest. I am just so incredibly tired. The sun is shining and I get the bright idea to go outside and sit and bask in it, for the fresh air and vitamin D. I set myself up with a towel, pillow and me headphones. I haven’t listened to music since I left California, what seems like a lifetime ago. I put on an old school mix and as I am baking in warm Florida sun, I listen to Boston, “More Than A Feeling” and imagine the soothing rays of sunlight eradicating this fuck all virus out of my body, like a golden healing elixir. That is short lived however, for when “Rocket Man” by Elton John comes on, for some odd and inexplicable reason I am all of a sudden racked with waves of overwhelming emotion. I am sobbing uncontrollably. The emotions run together like a thick soup that I cannot seem to make sense of….grief, sadness, guilt, anger, heartbreak, all wreak havoc on me for at least a solid fifteen minutes. It is exhausting as well as cleansing. I am now literally drenched in a puddle of tears and sweat as I try to identify the source of the of all this uncontrollable wetness. Clearly the Florida humidity is to blame for most of the moisture pouring out of my pores, but I believe covid had its claws involved as well. I have been sweating so much lately, and I believe it’s on of the ways my body is trying to fight this unseen enemy.
My tears have much to do with my daughter and how fast time flies. She is leaving soon to begin a life in college, 3000 miles away from me. My only baby will fly from the nest I so diligently tried to protect her in…and now who will protect her? How will I keep her safe, from covid or a myriad of other potential dangers. It is all I can do to pull myself together. Strangely, I am pulled back to the moment by my phone ringing. Nothing like being saved by the bell. It is a Ft. Lauderdale number, so it must be important, and I answer.
It is the Broward County Health Department calling about my covid results. They asked me all the right questions, how many people I was around and under what exact circumstances. She asked when my symptoms started and what they were exactly. Based on my information, she told me I would be free to travel on August 22nd. My flight is on the 23rd. Six more days to go. She also said that even though I will no longer be contagious, I still may test positive and until I test negative, I should wear masks and social distance from my loved ones when I am home. Seriously????? Will this nightmare ever end????
Anyway, I was happy to give her the information Including the fact that NONE of the bartenders wore masks at the restaurant in Ft. Lauderdale where we ate the night before we flew to the Bahamas. She told me that based on my account, that is where I likely got this god forsaken virus. While I was telling her the series of events that led up to the positive test, it made me realize that one of the bartenders was washing glasses behind the bar in front of me. He was sweating profusely. I remember thinking, Jeez, he’s putting his germs all over everything. I wondered why he was sweating but chalked it up to him being over weight, he was working somewhat, and it does tend to be humid even in the 60 degree air condition so common in Florida. Now I know that the sweating can be a part of this covid business. Just thinking about it makes me wonder how many other poor souls he infected. How many may have suffered unnecessarily, or even died. So sad, but I cannot go down that dark tunnel of despair. I have my self to worry about now and insurance papers to fill out. It’s only 3:30pm and I am already beyond tired. Ugh, maybe I will do that tomorrow. It has been a physical and emotional roller coaster of a day.
Last night I managed to get in five consecutive hours of sleep without waking up choking on mucus. That is a huge difference between the 2-3 hours of previous nights. The only other difference is that this morning, instead of being productive, it has gone back to being tight and wheezy. That is truly panic inducing. After about an hour of coughing, it finally begins to break up and become productive again. My lungs also feel much more continuously congested today so far. Let’s hope that changes.
I make coffee which always seems to help with the chronically congested and runny nose. The congestion has never left my sinuses, but the runniness it at least temporarily stopped by the caffeine in the coffee. The runs are ever present and I have basically stopped eating. If I eat, and I cough, it is not a pretty picture. This whole thing is probably the most humbling experience of my life.
I decide I need a dose of vitamin D in the form of Florida sun before it gets unbearable outside. By the time I finish my coughing fit and my coffee, I am completely exhausted anyway, and so I go lay down in the sun. My thoughts and emotions tend to take over at this point, on the waves of music I listen to.
Today I am thinking about how my daughter and I caught the real deal influenza virus a decade ago. That put us both down for over three weeks. The difference is, and there are many, you don’t have the built in fear that you have with covid. I knew we would get better. It would just take time. With this thing, you just never know. I keep leaning on the fact that I am vaccinated.
That alone is my crutch, my rock, what I am depending on emotionally for me to keep the faith instead of falling into a well of darkness, the stress of which can take you down faster than anything. I need to keep that faith at all costs. The other difference with influenza, is that you primarily caught it by putting your hands in your mouth or nose, or if someone literally coughed in your face.
From that point on, I never ever did that, and I taught my daughter to never do that either. I watch how many times people put their fingers in their mouths and literally freak out. I pointed it out to a friend not long ago, and she literally had no idea she was doing it.
Even my man sometimes licks his fingers while eating. When we are out and he does it, I cringe, but have given up reprimanding him as it doesn’t help. He only gets aggravated with me. Ugh. Men…
With Covid though, its in the air. There is no escaping it if you are inside and unmasked. NO ESCAPE. That’s how I got it. Although, I still don’t know why I am one of the rare breakthrough cases. I guess I will never know.
The other things I am leaning on are the fact, I have healthcare a moment away. I also believe in the immune boosting and anti inflammatory properties of a regimen of zinc and high doses of vitamin C, along with Mucinex, which made a huge difference in the productive nature of my chest congestion. I am trying to focus on all these things I have to be grateful for….including having the money to pay for these things where so many don’t. Staying in gratitude is so so important now.
My thoughts turn to the people in my life. I have so many people I am grateful for. I think that these people I will never ever take for granted again. I will be letting them all know how much they mean to me and I will try to connect and be there for them in their times of need. I am also thinking of the few people still left in my life that do nothing but drain my energy, and make a commitment to cut them out of my life for good. I know that sounds harsh, but you can only do so much for people until it starts being detrimental to your own health and well being.
Thankfully over the last several years, I have already started that process, and it’s no wonder my circle of friends is so small. The ones that I do have left that I cherish will be hearing from me, and the few others… Bye Felicia.
My thoughts are then interrupted from a call from my man’s son. I get a little panicked, but calm myself before answering. He is probably just calling to check on me. I answer, and he asks me if I have spoken to his dad this morning. I say yes, and he lets me know that my man had gone to dinner last night at our favorite local restaurant where we know the bartender. We usually sit at the bar, and eat our meals. My man had told me this last night, and I immediately got a bad feeling and reprimanded him.
Of course he doesn't like to be reprimanded, and he didn’t respond via text. He is a hard headed Aries, and does not like being told what to do. When his son asked me this, I knew intuitively something was wrong. His son told me that our young, unvaccinated bartender friend had started having symptoms today.
My heart sunk. My man is a little older, and has heart problems. He cannot get this. I panicked. I called my man immediately. He did not want to hear any lecture or reprimand for his obvious transgression. It was so obscenely ridiculous to me at this point though. What the actual fuck was he thinking???? Knowing how I am suffering, he decides to go out?? It is mind blowing. I ended the conversation and it has been weighing heavy on me all day. I cried a lot. It was overwhelmingly exhausting and I had to go back to bed.
I woke up soooooo congested in my chest. Ugh. An hour trying to clear it and I am wrecked again. Will this ever end.
I finally get up and try to eat something. My smell and taste are very very slightly coming back, which is a good sign that I am getting better. I focus on that and am grateful. I put together one of the salad kits I’d had delivered. I hadn’t eaten the day before and thought it might be a good idea to try to get some solid food in me. It was all I could do to eat a few bites. I couldn’t choke anymore of it down. I put it in the disposal. Still totally congested. My chest feels so heavy. Ugh.
I go sit outside to get some warm, moist Florida air. I put on music which turns on my well of emotions again. As the seemingly unending river of tears run down my face, I have to admit to myself that I have regret. If I could go back, and have a redo, I would never have wasted time on people and situations that were not in my or my daughter’s best interest.
I would have made different decisions. Things would be different. But, I didn’t. My decisions brought me here. I have to assume that in a very hard to swallow pill, the decisions I made gave me the lessons I needed. I will say, unequivocally that this experience will change my life FOREVER. Never has it been more clear that EVERY SINGLE MOMENT IS PRECIOUS. I want to have that tattooed on my arm so I see it all the time. Although, I don’t believe I will ever forget this. Ever.
Last night was better. I had 6 solid hours of sleep. I had very weird and unsettling dreams but at least I slept. I still awoke with thick chest congestion that took a solid hour of violent coughing to clear. By the time my chest is clear, I am already exhausted. My sinuses have not been clear since the onset of this illness and it is just something I have to deal with.
Since I had such a positive result yesterday sitting outside in the humidity, I decide to get my coffee, don my bikini and go straight out to the nice little patio of my beautiful, peaceful quarantine house.
The thick moist heat hits me in the face as I leave the chill air conditioned interior, but is calming and somehow comforting. The sun is out and I put in my headphones and take a seat on my towel.
Once again, my music carries me off in thought. The unsettling dreams come forward into my psyche. The still aren’t clear, but what is, is the solid realization that I want more in my life. I grapple with these thoughts because even the inkling of them coming up, sends tremors of fear through me. I had finally settled into a relationship where I feel happy. These dream thoughts are sending shock waves of uncertainty into my brain. I don’t like it at all. Not at all. I try to relax and think about something else.
The hours slip away while I soak up the delicious, warm golden rays, and I finally relax. Later in the afternoon, I get the text that I was already psychically prepared for. Our young unvaccinated, bartender friend was positive for covid. My man has been exposed. The Delta variant is torching everything like wildfire, and my man put himself at risk by going to the bar the night before last. I knew it. However, my only peace is that I also believe my man somehow escaped contracting this horror. We would need to get a negative test result to verify that obviously.
He called me and we spoke via FaceTime and it was nice to see him even on a small screen. I hadn’t realized how alone I feel. My illness had taken up so much of my thoughts, I had not realized how much I truly miss him. However, my old life of going out (now that we were vaccinated and the lockdowns had lifted) to the bar and socializing again seemed just so wrong. But at the same time, it angered me that we are still having to deal with this. It just sucks that there are people out there that are not vaccinated.
That is how I got this. That is why the variant had a host to grow in. We could have been done and we all thought we were finally reaching the light at the end of the tunnel. And now the darkness is upon us again. This time with the much more contagious and virulent Delta variant.
While on the facetime call, I see his daughter and son in law come in with bags from somewhere. I ask where they have been. He tells me that they went out to pick up lunch. It dawns on my like a sledgehammer, that they are not vaccinated. They are going out and potentially bringing Delta home to roost.
I panic. They moved in while I was on my trip because they sold her house, but decided to live with dad until they decide where to buy and settle down to start a family. I get it. But, still they ARE NOT VACCINATED.
The unvaccinated are MUCH more likely to contract the Delta variant as it 300 times the viral load and is at least 3 times as contagious as the original virus. Considering what I have been through and what I am still going through, it is almost too much to take.
I am reeling inside. My anxiety is overwhelming. I record a voice message and send it to my man. He responds that he has told them that they are on lock down now and need to stay in quarantine in the house. They will be there for a month. I guess since it is a big house we can all keep our distance from one another.
My dreams of the night before were coming up like a volcano destroying everything in their path. My heart is racing and I am overwhelmed with sadness. I would NEVER put my mother or father at risk like that. My 19 year old daughter would never put us at risk like that. She is vaccinated.
I do not know what to do. I cannot say anything else to him as I know that he will not take it well. I have to retreat into my isolation and try to calm down. I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t want to blow up my life. I just don’t know how to handle all of my emotions.
I have to calm down. This feeling has stayed with me all day, and has likely resulted in my chest feeling tight again. I can’t seem to clear it and that adds to the anxiety. I just need to be calm.
The nights are like living through the dementor’s kiss….
And The worst part is being alone…
Not having someone to pound your back to help you cough up the thick congestion that makes you feel like you can’t breathe in the middle of the night…
Not having someone to hold your head when you are gagging over the sink because you feel like you are choking on it….
Not having someone to hold you up because you are so tired and weak you feel like you are going to pass out…
Not having someone lucid and clear headed to tell you you if you need to go to the over run hospital or if you’re going to be fine and get through it….
The worst part is being scared you won’t make it through this
No sleep last night…and if I did sleep the dementor’s came and took my breath away. So exhausted today. Just going to rest and sleep.
Last night was the first real sleep I’ve had in 2 weeks.
Before I fell asleep, I had a stark and very clear realization…
We will never be rid of this virus …
We will always have to get vaccinated, or get it, and or both.
The people that don’t get the vaccine will have to play Russian roulette w how bad it is.
And in these still early days with delta, any unvaccinated will all get it.
I see it clearly.
And it’s troubling but inevitable. Delta is just too contagious and too virulent.
And Because it’s so strong and so contagious there are going to be more and more vaccination breakthrough cases ….but at least the breakthrough cases won’t be as severe.
Although I’ve suffered immeasurably, my case is still considered mild.
I am 100% convinced I would’ve died without the vaccine. I am still struggling with this.
Eventually we will in years to come be able to resist the worst outcomes, just like we have w the influenza virus which is still a killer.
All of us living today through this once in 100 year pandemic are similar to the lives of people that had to live through the 1919 flu pandemic. So many died but here we are 100 years later, still with the flu, still dying from it, but for the most part surviving.
We will, over time, like this godforsaken virus also mutate and our bodies will become stronger to fight it! Until then though, the unvaccinated will take the worst hits….
And wouldn’t you know it the moment I typed out this text I get an article saying the exact same thing…
And so it is….
The day went by uneventfully. I slept and rested most of the day. Today is day 10. Tomorrow I will go to get another test. Hopefully it will be negative and I can go home on Monday. I was told by the board of health that I will not be contagious after today. But I don’t want to take any chances. I certainly don’t want to put my man at risk or his kids, or my daughter. We will decide what to do when the test comes back. I will still fly home with N95 mask, but am not sure where I will go. I would quarantine at the house and maybe I still can. Since my man’s adult kids are in the guestroom, there is no free bed. My office will be the only option, but there is only a couch. I guess that will have to do. I want to be home. I miss my man and my daughter. I want this to be over.
I slept through the night again, but still woke up coughing my lungs up. I am getting another test this morning, so I can see if I am now negative for COVID. I have been working on manifesting this so I can go home.
I take the 5 minute ride to Urgent Care and am the first person there. I get taken in immediately and get a Rapid Antigen Test. The nurse leaves while the test is percolating. I watch it the entire time, hoping that it is negative. Thank God! It is negative! I can go home!
I already have my reservation to fly tomorrow and I admit I am very nervous about going home. I still have full symptoms of covid and so many emotions coming off of this journey.
There is no coincidence that this is the Full Moon in Aquarius, my sun sign. This is the end of this very deep dark chapter, and I have had some serious revelations. I will just have to deal with my emotions as they come up and heal them and let them go.
Right now, I need to sleep so I can catch the 7AM flight to Los Angeles.
ON MY WAY HOME
I wake at 4:44 am this morning, 1 minute before my alarm goes off. I still feel very congested and chronically exhausted. I hear these symptoms can last for weeks, or even months.
Seeing a 444 on is a message from the Angels. But I need to focus on getting ready to go home and I am grateful. I have a few minutes before I have to leave for the airport, so I decide to look up the symbolism of 444 the exact time I woke up this morning. It is no surprise to me.
THE MEANING BEHIND 444
As the saying would go, have you been feeling like you’re going up $h!ts creek without a paddle? Don’t you dare think of giving up now! Angel number 444 comes to you as a sign that your prayers have been heard and the Universe encourages you to stay focused to finish the job. You’re so close to achieving your dreams! Just remember that all of your hard work is about to pay off, and the Universe recognizes your diligence and determination as admirable- they’re sending all the support you need to succeed! If one of your goals is attaining stability, angel 444 fully supports that to help you first by building a solid foundation. Your goals are finally within reach as you continue to build this solid foundation for sustained, lifelong success.
Seeing angel 444 is a sign that you have asked the Universe for help and you have surrendered to receiving assistance - you may even recognize the work of Source and the angels through serendipitous moments. When these moments occur, give thanks, and feel gratitude for the help you receive.
©️COPYRIGHT 2021. Chakra To YaTo https://www.chakratoya.com/blog/angel-number-444-meaning
So, I get home finally and am still recovering. I am still so tired, still coughing with so much congestion. However, it is a relief to be home and with my man and my daughter. What a journey of fear and then self realization. I pray no one has to go through what I went through.
Please be safe out there!! I hope my story shed some light on what can happen when traveling during these unsettling times.